Many caregivers are perpetually tired from the demands that result from caring for their loved one. Just the thought of your normal routine plus decorating the house, attending special events, shop­ping for gifts, and preparing special food for the holidays can be overwhelming.

But what if you had more control over the events, expectations, and relationships that often make holiday times so stressful? This could make a huge difference in the way you and your loved one experience the season. It requires exercising some choices you may not be accustomed to. Here are some suggestions to help make this holiday season a joyous, healthful and manageable one for you and your loved one.

Set realistic expectations for yourself and your loved one

Take control of the holidays by deciding what you and your loved one want. How many events, if any, can you both attend or host without overdoing it? Who are the people you most want to be with? What contributions are you capable of making in terms of food, drink and gifts? These are basic questions that most caregivers don’t ask themselves. Instead of making decisions that are in their best interest, many wait for others to tell them where to go, what to bring, and so on. This year, give yourself permission to say ‘no’ to unwanted demands.

Let others know when you need help

Caregivers typically try to do everything themselves. But during the holidays there are often family and friends around who are eager to help. If you want help, such as time away for relaxation or an extra hand or two in the kitchen, don’t be afraid to ask. Not only does this help you, but it can be very stimulating and enjoyable for your loved one to have others to interact with and share in his or her care.

Express your emotions with family and friends

The holidays can trigger emotions ranging from joy to depression in caregivers. A strong sense of loss may work its way into your life during the holidays. It might involve coming to grips with the permanent loss of your loved one’s mental or physical abilities. Or perhaps you have a strong feeling that this may be your loved one’s last holiday. Maybe it is the loss of your own freedom with caregiver responsibilities that hits hardest during the holidays. Regardless, talk with others about how you feel. By expressing your feelings with others you can lighten your emotional burden.

Take time out for yourself

Everyone seems extra busy during the holidays but for caregivers this can literally mean no rest from morning to night. Start with the essentials: Get adequate sleep, eat well and take time on most days for some physical activity. If possible, get out of the house for brief periods to maintain perspective. Consider shopping online or by catalogue for many of your gifts this holiday season. Then use the extra time and energy you would have spent fighting traffic and standing in check-out lines on taking better care of yourself.

Practice rituals that you and your loved one find meaningful

Rituals are important ways to add meaning to your holidays. Yet it’s very easy for the busyness of the holidays to squeeze out any real meaning in the season. Practice rituals that you and your loved one find meaningful, even if no one else is there to share it. This might involve a favorite holiday meal, listening to a song together, visiting a place with special memories for you both, etc. It can also involve family and friends. And don’t be afraid to create new rituals as old ones may have painful memories attached to them.

Celebrate what you and your loved one have right now

Caregiving often involves the loss of things you want to hold onto, which can create a sense of helplessness and anxiety. When we experience these emotions, it signals that we are probably either mourning the past or worried about the future. But there is little we can do about either—we can only address what’s happening in the present moment. Celebrate what you and your loved one share right now, even though it’s not what you might ultimately prefer. Try to let go of what was or what could be and make the most of what you have.

It really boils down to making choices. You only have a limited amount of time, energy and resources available. The question is: How are you and your loved one going to spend these? With a little planning and clear communication with friends or family on your intentions, it’s possible to care for your loved one, take care of yourself, and still take joy in celebrating the holidays.

By Gary Gilles, LCPC

Contributor, mentalhealth.net

https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/healthy-caregiving-during-the-holidays/

We find ourselves in a world-wide genealogy craze, as a variety of DNA testing options have become available and increasingly affordable, and a wide array of genealogy websites invite those who are mildly curious about their ancestry to dive in—sometimes hooking them into a life-long passion. But what many people discover when they begin their genealogy research is that the most important source of information about your family is your living relatives’ memories—of their own family experiences as well as the stories passed down to them through the generations. Increasingly our Greatest Generation is passing on, taking vital information about relatives and our family stories with them.

Capturing the facts and stories about our family by asking our relatives questions is called an “oral history.” These can take the form of relatively informal question and answer sessions around a dinner table recorded by hand, to a more structured interview involving audio or video recordings that can later be edited together to provide a valuable family media archive. However you choose to approach gathering and compiling this information, there are a few basic “best practices” to keep in mind as follows.

Collaborate with other family members. Brainstorm with as many family members as you can before starting an oral history. Discuss who are the most important people to interview and what people think the key things are that need to be recorded—whether that be missing facts about relatives who have passed—names, places and dates which will be helpful in building a picture of your family tree, or the more personal family stories and traditions. It is also useful to include as many accounts of the same information as possible, since people will have different memories of the same event.

Define your project. Clarity is key. Telling an entire family history in any form is a daunting project, so start with specific questions on information you wish to know. Start by gathering short vignettes. Maybe there’s a critical aspect of your own childhood you’d like to recapture such as a memorable family vacation. Often we are trying to identify facts we may not know about specific relatives, or where our family originated and how we got to where we are today. The whole story can’t be told overnight, but as you collect these separate anecdotes, the larger story will begin to emerge.

Have a list of questions ready. Experts advise framing questions in a way that invites expansive answers. Ask about early memories, or about happiest (and saddest) moments. The idea is to get a conversation started. StoryCorps, the oral history project created by the American Folklife Center, offers suggested questions and an interactive guide (https://storycorps.org/participate/ great-questions).

Techniques for recording information. While hand-written notes may be necessary when trying to record information on the fly, you probably already have the most useful tool for an oral history in your pocket. Smartphones can be used very successfully for video or audio documentation. Also, video conferencing services such as Skype and FaceTime offer recording options for interviewing distant relatives. If you choose to create a video of your interviews, easy-to-use software such as Apple’s iMovie and Microsoft’s Movie Maker are preinstalled on your computer.

Collecting and compiling oral histories entail effort and planning, but in the end, they bring generations of families together and foster an appreciation for listening and telling stories.

By Caren Parnes

For The Senior’s Choice